Everything
by Charlotte Steele
Summary: Juliet finally knows that Shawn means everything to her, yet he still belongs to another woman.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Psych. I also don't own the lyrics to any Lifehouse songs.

Spoilers: Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark

* * *

_**Everything**_

"Goodbye Abigail..." Juliet couldn't believe that after six months, those words still rang in her head every time she sat at her desk, or looked at the phone. The same phone through which he had spoken the three most wonderful words she had ever heard, also the phone through which the same person had spoken the two most hurtful. As the lines on her paperwork began to blur, Juliet was painfully brought back to reality. She heard that voice, his voice. Automatically her eyes shifted to where Shawn entered into the Santa Barbara Police Department... with a smiling Abigail clinging to his arm. Juliet instinctively looked back down at her paperwork, becoming suddenly engrossed with signing her name at the bottom.

"I told you I wasn't called in for a case today, Abbs. Why did you still want to come down here?"

Shawn inquired.

Juliet thought she detected a bit of frustration under his usual teasing tone, although she was probably just hearing what she wanted to hear. _Get a hold of yourself O'Hara. This is no time to loose it. _She sighed as she heard Abigail's flirtatious response.

"Because I love watching you work babe. It gives me chills."

She even faked tremors in her voice at the last word. Juliet didn't dare look up to see Shawn's crooked grin directed at someone else.

"Come on Shawn. Why won't you kiss me?"

Juliet's hand froze on her paper. She couldn't control her masochistic curiosity any longer. Impulsively her head rose just enough for her to observe without being seen. _Hopefully_. _This is a psychic I'm dealing with after all._ The first thing she noticed was the look in Shawn's eyes. He looked torn, almost defeated. His jaw was tightened, and his left cheek twitched toward his eye.

"It's not really appropriate to do that at work."

Shawn's tone was the most serious she'd heard from him in the few years she had known him. And since when does he care about rules and appropriate behavior? _I've seen him kiss her a few dozen times in this building. At least eighteen of those were in that exact spot. _Her shoulders slumped. _Oh it's so sad that I know that._

"Really? Since when do you care about appropriate behavior Shawn? You've kissed me like twenty six times in this building, eighteen of those being in this exact spot. What's wrong with you today? You're not yourself." Abigail tugged on his arm, "Shawn?! Are you even listening to me?"

At first Juliet was too shocked at the similarity between her thoughts and Abigail's words to notice that Shawn was looking directly at her. They locked eyes for a brief second, his conveying so many emotions. She found it impossible to pull out any one of them. She jerked her head back to her paper, obviously disturbed by his gaze.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I hear you. I don't know. Maybe I just need some rest. Lets go back to your place." Shawn said. Then, before she could protest, he gently pulled his arm out of hers, placed his hand on the small of her back and lead a very confused Abigail out of the department.

Juliet stared at her desk, trying desperately to figure out what just happened.

"Hey Jules. How's it going?"

Her blue eyes shot up to meet his hazel ones. Somehow around the confusion, her brain made out a few coherent words. "What are you doing here Shawn?" she demanded, a bit harsher than necessary.

Shawn uncharacteristically stumbled over his next few sentences. "I couldn't... Uhh... can't find my phone. I thought I might have set it down somewhere."

She cocked her head to the side, obvious irritation in her eyes. "I haven't seen it. If I do... I'll call you. But right now I'm busy. I have a lot of paperwork to do."

"How can you call me? In case you didn't hear I lost my phone."

"So sorry Shawn. That is not my problem. Now if you'll excuse me..." Her eyes mechanically dropped to her paper, pretending to be swamped. She knew she was being unkind, but it was all she could do to keep herself from losing control. At that second, the chief leaned out from the door of her office.

"O'Hara, there's nothing going on here. Why don't you go ahead and take off early."

Juliet froze, her cheeks flushed and her eyes widened. She glanced up at Shawn who was still standing near her desk. The hurt in his eyes, amber under the lights of the police department, pierced her heart. She quickly looked to the chief.

"Sure thing Chief." she said as she gathered her papers in her arms, tossing her bag on her shoulder as she hastily walked out of the building.

As soon as Juliet got past the doors, she made a beeline for her car. She had to shift her papers in order to retrieve the keys from her purse. Her purse slipped out of her hand. While she attempted to catch it, her papers cascaded to the ground. She tried to pick up her purse, only to have it fall to the concrete once more. She forced her lips together as she stomped her foot. _Could this day get ANY worse?_ Feeling utterly helpless and only five years old, she dropped to her knees, dumping out the entire contents of her purse on the parking lot. Finally, uncovering her keys from their ingenious hiding place of plain sight, she restored her purse and papers so they at least resembled their former state.

At last she was able to get in the car. Juliet forcefully started her car and accelerated way beyond the legal limit. _I usually don't condone breaking the law. But anything to get out of this parking lot._

As she sped down the street to her apartment, tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She desperately struggled to regain composure. _Just a few more blocks Jules, you can do it. _Her breath stopped short in her chest. _Jules. Jules. Jules. _There was only one voice associated to that thought. She gasped in the air she hadn't realized she needed. She was rapidly breaking down. She needed to get home. The pain didn't usually hit her at full force until she was safely out of the public eye. Today she was off in so many ways.

She breathed a silent prayer of thanks when she arrived safely at her parking spot. She hurriedly exited the car and rushed into the lobby. Luckily she passed no one, and the elevator was empty. _For once something's in my favor today, _she thought dryly.

Juliet wasn't sure exactly how she made it there. All she knew was that she was finally in the sanctuary of her apartment. She locked the bolt and turned around leaning against her door for support. Juliet let the tears overwhelm her as she slid down to the floor, completely defeated. She clasped her slender arms around her legs, resting her head on her left knee, as her body convulsed with uncontrollable sobs.

Slowly Juliet's sobbing dissolved into a steady stream, followed by scattered tears and sniffles, finally becoming a throbbing headache and a stuffy nose. She slowly uncurled, stretching her cramped muscles and sat on the floor, her legs straight out from her hips, for a long minute. Her open eyes saw nothing. Juliet bent her knees, pushing against the floor with her hands until all her weight rested on the balls of her feet. She felt as if every movement was in slow motion as she forced her unwilling body to comply.

She wandered over to her cd player and popped in her favorite mix cd. She changed into sweat pants and a tank top before lazily meandering to her kitchen. Juliet filled her kettle with cold water, setting it on the stove over a low flame. She had to stand on her tiptoes to reach the Advil in her cabinet. She grabbed a mug out of the dish drainer. As she washed the pain medication down with a gulp of water, she realized that she was using the Psych mug Shawn had given her for Christmas. Shaking her head, she swallowed down a fresh onset of tears.

Heading out of the kitchen to wait for the water to boil, she noticed the music coming through the speakers. She unconsciously mouthed the words.

_Find me here.. and speak to me.. I want to feel you.. I need to hear you.._

She smiled without humor at how awfully true that was.

_You are the light.. that's leading me.. to the place.. where I find peace.. again_

It angered her to know that no matter how much it hurt her, she still wanted him..

_You are the strength.. that keeps me walking.. you are the hope.. that keeps me trusting.._

She could have left the department- she could have transferred. She had done it before. Juliet had told herself time and time again that it was because of Lassiter. She couldn't leave him partner less. Plus for the first time she felt genuinely respected by her department. But maybe..

_You are the light.. to my soul.. you are my purpose.. you're everything.._

_NO! _She couldn't believe that he was truly her one and only reason for staying in Santa Barbara. _That would just make me so pathetic_. But what if..

_And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you.. Would you tell me how could it be any better than this.._

Did she really stay there just for Shawn? _But why?_ _We have no future.._

_You calm the storms.. and you give me rest.. you hold me in your hands.. you won't let me fall.._

_No future.. _those two words broke her more than she could even comprehend. She didn't think it could get any worse than the man she loves saying "I love you", than being figuratively shot in the heart when he called her by his girlfriends name. But it could, it could get a lot worse..

_You steal my heart.. when you take my breath away.. would you take me in.. take me deeper now.._

_No future with Shawn.. No future.. _Juliet lost track of the music, completely engrossed in her thoughts. Her mind flashing through different memories of Shawn, both good and bad.

Shawn walking into the diner. Usually she wasn't that short with people, but she was nervous, and he certainly was not helping. All his chatter was making her more defensive. Although he said he was psychic, it took him a few minutes before he realized that she was a cop.

She caught a fleeting glimpse of Shawn in his football smiled as she remembered the look of pure joy on his face as he led the team through the tunnel, and who could forget how he looked in those tights?

Roller skates on her feet, smooth track under the wheels. Shawn tripped purposefully as an excuse to touch her. As much as she wanted to let go of her inhibitions, she couldn't let him hold her hand. Of course Shawn found a way around her rules, but what could she do? She loved the sensation of his hand brushing against hers.

Juliet lingered longer than necessary on her next memory. She was getting ready to leave the station for the day. He came in wearing a leather vest. She closed her eyes remembering the feel of his lips, so close. The subtle warmth of his breath on her skin. Her face instinctively tilting up toward his. Her desire to deepen the light kiss they shared despite her better judgement.

Unfortunately, all good things have to come to an end. She remembered everything she felt that night: jitters, freedom, joy, shock, strength, disappointment, hope, desperation. She saw the scene as if she were the person behind the snack advanced toward him, stumbling over every word. He tried to stop her; she wished she would've listened. He couldn't even bring his eyes up to her level as he turned her down. She told him to go to Abigail although everything in her wanted to latch onto him and never let go. She kissed him briefly on the cheek, tenderly rubbing off the remains of her lip gloss. Frustration, desire, and disbelief playing in his eyes. _Oh how I wish that night would have ended differently. _She imagined them sitting across from each other holding hands over the table and laughing at some silly joke Shawn would have told.

The past year ran through her mind. Every single kiss he and Abigail shared._ At least the ones I was unfortunate enough to see._ Her own face in the mirror every night after she cried her eyes out hoping that someday her life would be different, someday things wouldn't be this complicated, someday it would be easier. All the times she snapped at Shawn, the look on his face every time she did. The last image she landed on was his eyes, boring through her at the station earlier that day.

As the music climaxed at the bridge, the words began playing in her mind again.

_Cause you're all I want.. you're all I need.. you're everything.. everything.._

She couldn't imagine her life without Shawn. She didn't even want to try..

_You're all I want.. you're all I need.. you're everything.. everything.._

He was all she ever wanted. All she ever would want. She may not have known it all her life, but she knew it now.

_You're all I want.. you're all I need.. you're everything.. everything.__**.**_

Her only fear was that it was too late. Although that didn't matter now, there was no turning back. She couldn't rewind time to before she met him; she knew she wouldn't even if she could.

_You're all I want.. you're all I need.. you're everything.. everything.._

She could clearly see what she needed to do. _Throw caution to the wind and give it one last try. And if he turns me down again? No._ She shook her head. She couldn't think about that right now.

Juliet grabbed her car keys, making sure to turn off the stove before leaving her apartment. She opened the door and ran straight into...

"Shawn?"

He looked like a little kid caught peeking at presents in his parent's closet.

"Jules!"

"What are you doing here?" Juliet questioned.

"Uhh.. I'm.. Were you going somewhere?"

"Yeah.. Kinda.." Juliet reeled from his sudden appearance.

Shawn stared down at her feet; his eyebrows raised, "Without shoes?"

She realized for the first time that she was about to drive around town without shoes.

"You do know it's raining right?"

She noticed his hair, which had been styled to unkempt perfection earlier that day, was now dripping down his forehead.

When she didn't reply, Shawn paused for a minute before asking, "Can I come in?"

"Of course."

As Shawn walked past her she tried to ignore the amazing combination of his natural body chemistry and cologne. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, forcing her mind to focus. She quickly made a mental breakdown of what was happening. _Wait.. Shouldn't a psychic have known exactly what I was planning on doing? Is that why he's here?_

"Jules? You coming?"

She looked up at him, her favorite crooked grin teasing behind serious eyes. _Don't get ahead of yourself Jules. It's not for you. Yet..._

"Yeah," she answered tentatively.

She slowly walked back into her apartment, still not quite sure how the circumstances of the night had brought her right here to this moment. She sat next to him on the couch, her music still playing softly in the background.

Shawn stared into her eyes for a long minute. Juliet looked for any remnant of the many emotions she saw earlier that day. She saw only one. Resolve. _For what?_ Once she began to squirm under his gaze, he finally began.

"I've made a terrible mistake. Like a year long mistake. I mean, I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, believe me when I say that because I have. The only difference is that I have never regretted anything. Until now. Well, once before, but that led me to the biggest regret in my life. So I guess it's more like one big James-Cameron-style epic mistake..."

A strangled noise came out of his throat. His face scrunched as he roughly rubbed the back of his neck.

"I am so not saying this right."

Juliet just shook her head, frustrated once again with his disconnected way of explaining himself.

"Please tell me I'm not too late." his agonized face, pleading.

"Too late for what?" Purposefully playing dumb. She didn't want to get her hopes up, only to have them shot down again.

Shawn couldn't take it anymore. He stood up pacing the small span of her living room.

"I thought I could be happy with Abigail, and maybe I could have been before I met you. It took me a whole year, but I finally realized that I could never be happy with anyone but you. Today I made up my mind to break up with Abigail no matter what your answer would be. And if you say no, that doesn't mean I'm giving up. I'm not going to loose my chance, again" His voice broke as he reached his last sentence. He stopped pacing directly in front of Juliet and knelt down, taking her small hand into his larger one, "I love you... Jules."

Her breath stopped short in her chest, the shock hitting her like a two ton bull dozer. No more than ten minutes ago she was running out the door to profess her love to this man, so broken in front of her now. She was at a complete loss for words. She couldn't do anything but gaze into his hazel eyes. His shoulders slumped; his resolve weakening. She wanted desperately to say something to relieve his anguish, but her voice wouldn't cooperate with her thoughts. His brow furrowed with thoughts she couldn't possibly know. His face smoothing swiftly into the playful Shawn she was so familiar with.

"You know, I've made so many mistakes. What's one more?"

Tenderly placing his hands on either side of her face closing the distance slowly, but with determination. Juliet made no move to release herself from his grip, instead, she closed her eyes in anticipation. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she felt his lips against hers. It was heaven, if only for a brief moment. She gasped as he pulled away from her, swooning with the rush of neglected oxygen. Her eyelashes fluttered open, meeting his uncertain stare. She grinned.

"So you really broke up with Abigail because of me?"

He smirked, "Yeah that, and the fact that she didn't like pineapple. That is a definite deal breaker," his teasing tone returning with his restored confidence, "You do like pineapple, don't you Jules?"

"Ehh it's ok, nothing special." she goaded, a look of disdain displayed on her face. She couldn't hold the expression for very long, So she opted to kiss him. This time they both came away breathless. He took a seat next to her on the couch, casually throwing his arm around her. She leaned into him, loving the way his body felt against hers. He rubbed mindless patterns on her shoulder with his thumb as she beamed up at him. Although she knew that it wouldn't always be this simple, for now she was happy just being in his arms.


End file.
